even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
