She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
