You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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