he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
