dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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