Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
