were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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