I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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