if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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