youre lurking in front of me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
