Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
