its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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