You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
