that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
