so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
