would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
