Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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