Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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