I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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