Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
