Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
