Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
