Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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