Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
