i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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