Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
