last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
