i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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