You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Randomize
