what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
