It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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