Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
