Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
