where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm both gender and math confused
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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