Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
NoShamevember. You game?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
