I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
