A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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