Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
