this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
