Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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