I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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