If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
