I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
