I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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