A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
