This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
