Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
