TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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