My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
