gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
